In 1992, Queen Elizabeth II, current reigning Queen of England, made a speech in which she referred to the year as an “Annus Horribilis” (Latin phrase meaning “horrible year”). In that year, the Queen experienced a series of trying events. Mauritius became a republic (another piece of the British Empire disappearing into the endless sunset); all three of her kids had serious marital issues (a separation, a divorce and an infidelity—those crazy kids!); one of her houses caught fire (maybe the merry wives of Windsor took it a bit too far) and she faced the only other certainity in life besides death: taxes.
In other words, she had a shit year.
While I cannot exactly empathize with the Queen’s issues, I do understand what it is like to have an unusual year. Not a horrible year by any means. Definitely not horrible. But definitely unusual.
Earlier today I had lunch with three former colleagues. It was great to meet up with these ladies and catch up. Female friends in the metals industry are difficult to come by so when you make them, you value them and keep in touch. Plus, we ate at a local Thai restaurant that serves an awesome seafood curry (yumsters in my tumsters). But our lunch date gave me pause and got me thinking.
See, it was a year ago yesterday, November 10, 2014, that I informed the HR department of my desire to resign.
Over the past year, I have learned a lot about myself and about what matters in life. But here are some very specific things I learned during my “annum of unusual circumstance.”
There has GOT to be a better way of describing a job situation than “unemployed.” “Unemployed” simply means “without employment”, right? I mean, nowhere in the definition of the word does it say, “lazy”, “stupid” or “bum.” Does it? Well, I checked and in fact, none of those words appear under the definition of “unemployed” in the dictionary (I actually looked up the word in an actual, hardcover bound book with paper pages dictionary), in case you were wondering. However, the word “idle” is in there. Shit. As I settled into my new circumstances, I struggled to find the right description for it. “Unemployed” sounded so depressing. I wanted a phrase that let people know I was in charge of my professional life, such as it was. I coined the term “professional sabbatical”: I was on sabbatical from having a profession.
Soccer moms are fucking scary. Sorry to moms I have offended with that statement but I’m just sayin’. The first time I walked into Michael’s at 10 AM, I felt like an alien. I felt intimidated by these women walking around this crafting utopia looking for stuff and finding it (me, not so much). These soccer moms just kept looking at me as if they somehow knew I didn’t’ belong there. Full disclosure: I was raised by a stay-at-home mom so I know its not all bon-bons and soap operas. Which is not to say working moms don’t also have it tough. Of course, I don’t have kids, so what do I know? OK, now that I’ve pissed off somebody for sure, let’s move on.
If an unemployed woman is a “homemaker”, what is an unemployed man? I asked myself this question because since last November, I’ve had to change my employment status on various forms, for instance medical insurance forms. Usually people don’t comment but it came up last April when I went for my annual eye exam. I checked in at the reception desk, completed the requisite forms and handed them back to the lady. She glances at them and notes my change of employment status saying, “Hmmmm.” I respond, “Did I miss anything?” “No,” she replies peering at the computer screen and fiddling with the mouse, “I’m just trying to decide which box to check.” I presume she is referring to my employment status. “Did you retire?” I snorted, “Not really. I resigned.” Why does it matter? “Oh,” she looks up and continues, “Good for you.” A common sentiment expressed to me over the months. “How about I check ‘homemaker’?” I spent the walk home (dilated eyes and all) pondering the criticality of that checkbox. What if my husband had been the one standing there indicating he was unemployed? What box would she have checked off? “Lazy bastard?”
Spontaneity. It’s a good thing. For years, our friends Jim and Katie have been teaching me to wakeboard. They tried first with regular waterskiing but I’m uncoordinated and knock-kneed to boot so it’s best if I only have to control one piece of equipment. Anyway, I cannot tell you how great it was to get a text at 10 AM from them and reply, “Yes, I can come out and play today.” It was during a random mid-week, early-afternoon wake-boarding session at Blue Marsh that I finally mastered (as much I can master the skills) the board. It was the Summer of Kirsten. Well played, Spontaneity. Well played.
Finally, it is OK to NOT have A Plan. This statement is very un-Kirsten-like. My entire life, I have known exactly (more or less) where I am going and how I am going to get there. A year ago, I didn’t have the slightest clue where I was going in life. But, there are people around me who are OK with that and I have slowly learned to be OK with it as well.
My “annum of unusual circumstance.” I tried finding a Latin phrase to match but the closest thing I can find is “annus ad absurdum” (basically means “year of silliness”). Unusual, silly, whatever.
19 years and four months into my career, I resigned. It was not a decision I planned to make. It was not an easy decision to make either. But even on my darkest days (which frankly are not THAT dark, more like grey and hazy), it stands as the best decision I have made in my life.
Scratch that. Marrying my husband is THE best decision I made in my life.
Witticisms, Observations & Other Foolishness 